Last day of January.
Feeling.....absent.
When i'm at home doing nothing, i'll have a lot in my mind.
I'll think about my friends.

What i want to say to:
Jes-
Let's go shopping again. I really want to buy something for Chinese New Year.
A necklace maybe. Yep, that will be great.

May May-
Don't be high all of a sudden.
Sometimes when you screamed, i got shocked. Hahar!

Hui Er-
Don't worry too much about the end of the world, your family members and all that stuff.
Just continue with your normal life.
Please just relax.

YJ-
I don't know why you wanna doom your life with hatred.
Sometimes, you'll get worked up because of minor things.
You are living a very tiring life.
Try to just see the beautiful things around you and not the bad things.
Don't take things too seriously ok?

Joey-
There's nothing wrong with your looks.
If a guy be with you just because you are pretty, this will not be like a princess's story.
It will be a rotten ending.
Accept who you are and how you look like.
At this age, we don't need to look that pretty. We are still studying, remember?
Get good grades, enrol into good college and then find a rich, handsome, and awesome guy.
There will always be one out there.

By the way, can someone tell me something?
为什么我妈说，马来人会比较常看到鬼是因为他们没吃猪肉。
有啥关系吗？

Memories aren't all beautiful when i think that what i was before or what i did was shameful.
When other people did something awful to me, it's an unpleasant memory too.
But not if i had forgiven them.
So they only become people who appeared in my life.
Just like that.
Sometimes, i can't let go of who i was and what i did in the past.
It's not that i suddenly remembered it. It's other people who "reminded" you.
People don't give chances to people who done wrong.
Highlight the word done. It's in the past tense or should i say past participle.
Anyways, it's in the past.
So, this makes the whole (turning into a new leaf) thingy hard.
People reminded you of what you did and you will immediately be ashamed and this causes unpleasant memories.

I treat people differently depending on who you are and what your character is.
So, please don't assume that i treat you like any other people.
It's not the same. I haven't figure out yet, but i think i treat all the people differently.
Like, if you are a nuisance, maybe my face will look annoyed when i am talking.
But on the other hand, i speak to Jes or Hui or May or YJ with a smile.
Maybe i'll have no manners when i am talking to you.
That will mean i have lose my patience with you.
You see the contrast? It all depends on who you are.
Don't expect me to treat you all the same. I can't.

I seldom have mood swings.
Even if i am sad or hurt, i wouldn't say it out loud unless i want to tell.
Usually, i won't. I'll just tell someone close to me.
To just let someone know.
It's really nice to just let someone know.
If no one knows, you will sure to be lonely and that means you don't have best friends.
Best friends will surely know what type of mood you are in at the nick of time.
This brings comfort.

"Cute Princess inside"
Obviously i am the princess.
Not a real one, i know. But i am the princess in my house.
And my bro is the prince and my dad is the King and my mum is the Empress Dowager.
She's the almighty.

Oh righty, today's my wonderful, cute, handsome, fantastic, funny and glorious dad's birthday.
Happy Birthday to you~
Happy Birthday to you~
Happy Birthday to daddy~
Happy Birthday to you~
You will always be the most terrific dad in the whole wide world!
Wish you that you will have lesser stress and more money.
har har.

Yesterday i was so raged.
But now, i am absolutely calm. I'll forgive you.
Sometimes people do wrongly without knowing it themselves.
They just think that it's all people's fault.
This attitude has to change.

I really want to thank KX for helping us so much.
It's done already! I never expect it to be so fast.
But i not eager to see it because KX spoiled my enthusiasm.
With "i want to sent you back!". Oh please. Let me off. Give me a break.
Thanks to Cuiling too.

While finding some points for my Seagate,
I saw some articles about the end of the world and all that stuff.
This is maddening. Can we not talk about it anymore? Enough already.
Everyone knows the end of the world is near but can you all stop it already?
I am really annoyed.

.
So freaking vexed now.
With the video.
May suggested that i could be the one abusing the maid.
Great. I don't want!!!!!!
I will be the passer-by or something. Just a small little role.
In addition, we have to add people with different races in our group. Nice.
The funniest thing is maybe Suren is going to be a maid.
Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
I'll never do this kinda thing in the future.
I'll enjoy the part when we are shooting, but the deadline is just around the corner.
[stress].
Let's just depend on Mr Khai Xiang on the video editing.
I feel so bad letting other people do while i sit here and do nothing.
Oh well. My apologies.

Worried about Jes.
Her mum says that her eyes isn't red and maybe she can go to school tomorrow IF,
she recovers.

Be careful my boy,
I am beginning to dislike you more and more.
Don't step on my bomb. It will explode and you'll be finish.

Went to see my bro again!
Huhu~ Mum and dad took a photo with him.
Nothing much has changed.
He said he missed my mum's fried egg. Geez. Of all the things to miss.
All righty, so my mum fried 2 eggs for him and none for me.
I felt myself being pushed away. Sob.....I didn't even have an egg.
Just kidding, i can eat whenever i want, and bro can't.
So of course he should take it.

Poor Jes.
She has red-eye and have to skip school for two days.
Hope she will recover soon.
No wonder she was complaining to me that her eyes hurt yesterday.
She even asked me whether she will go blind or something.
Silly her. My mum asked me to keep a distance with her for the time being.
Ok. Or else i will get it too.

I hate it when people ask stupid questions.
For example, why do we live? What for do we live? Etcetera etcetera.
If you really ask yourself this question everyday and felt there's no need to live,
HELL you go. Nobody will ask you not. Hell you go.
We don't have to ask this type of question, answer-less questions.
Just live the very best. If we keep on asking ourselves this type of question, we are really wasting time and we wouldn't get anything done.
Just live, God has a purpose for letting us live.
We don't have to know the reason.
We should just fulfil every mission God entitle to us.
Just live.

Love is like the wild rose-briar.
Friendship, like the holly tree.
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms.
But which will bloom most certainly?
The wild-briar is sweet in the spring.
Its summer blossoms scent the air.
Yet, wait till winter comes again.
And who will call the wild-briar fair?
Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now.
And deck thee with the holly's sheen.
That, when December blights thy brow,
She may still leave garland green.

Source: write stuff


Understand?
Haha. In brief, it is trying to say that love doesn't last longer than friendship.
We often neglect friends when love is blooming. Admit it.
When love wilt, then only we know, friends are the one who are still standing by us.
To me, there is no comparison between these two.
They are equal to me.
So, maybe my future boyfriend may hate me.
Because frankly speaking, people think that love comes first.
Oh well, not me though.

Dear KX, Javit and Joey,
is the words better now? Or you three did not mean like this?
Just tell me.

I was putting on my white-tee when i received a text from May May this morning. (dawn actually).
Saying that today's school has cancelled.
I was so pissed. I already washed my hair!
Nevermind. My deepest sorrow for our Sultan.
My prayers will be with you. [Mourning]
May you rest in peace.

I slept very well last night.
Because i slept for 8 hours. Plus another two hours because i went back to sleep after finding out there was no need to go to school. My head isn't tormenting me anymore.
Yay! I was dead beat yesterday.
At school until 12.30p.m. and then went home to take a shower.
At 1.45p.m. me, Jes and YJ went down town to attend tuition class until 6.45p.m.
Traffic jam. 7.45 reach home. My head was spinning and pain.
So i drank beer and went to sleep at 10p.m.
I'll be like this for the rest of my Form 4 life.
It's ok. That's life. And life isn't a bed of roses.
Then again, if there isn't trouble or mishap, it isn't life.
When there's sorrow, there's happiness.
If you don't know the feeling of sorrow, you won't know the feeling of happiness.
So i am really grateful, that God let me go through all bad things as much as good things.
From the bottom of my heart, i really thank you God.

Buzz buzzz buzzzzz...
A quarter of the class went chaotic when a bee flew in.
Hahar. Funny. But it was true!
It seemed to like Hui Hui and May May very much.
It kept flying here and there and i almost went insane.
I dodged here and there, here and there.
Everyone was laughing and it was quite entertaining.
The bee was terrifying. I wonder what my face looked like when it was just flying above my head.
Was my face blue or green? Or was it purple? Maybe it's black.
That reminded me of a song by Black Eyed Peas- I'mma bee.
Hahar.

It's my 51st post.
So i decided to change my layout.
Just a little altering though. Not much. Who cares.

Daddy bought chocolate for me!
Godiva and Leonidas!
Yay!

New show tonight at 9p.m.
Gotta watch it!

Went to visit my bro again.
His hair's longer now and he's well.
Thank god for that.
For your information, that clock up there is my bro's clock.
Isn't it cute. Hahar.

I have been thinking a lot since the last school holiday.
And somehow, i forgot what i promised myself to do.
I was shock to see that Hui also had the same feeling, to be a better person.
But i had neglected it when i was fuming.
The power or anger is frightening.
It often overwhelms me and i will become the "Chentel" i loathe.
There's one thing which i had done successfully.
That is, i had learnt to forgive.
Because only this way, God will forgive me.
How do you expect other people to forgive you, if you don't forgive other people?
Just change your perspective.
There's a saying that goes "forgive and forget".
But i am sorry God, i can't reach the term forget YET.
Really sorry. I can forgive, but if you ask me to forget, it's like asking me to lose one hand.
Sometimes when our feelings are hurt, it's impossible to recover from it.
When you forgive, the wound would stop bleeding. But what about the scar?
It's when you decide to forget and that's very hard to achieve.
But i know if i achieve it, i will be in the next level.
People who hurt me before, please be informed that, now, I, Chentel, had forgiven you.
Give me some time, to forget.

The other thing that i want to do to be a greater person is,
to not let myself be distracted.
This include relationship and gossips. Plus one more, i don't want to judge people.
Relationship. Though i had been really obedient and good girl for the past fifteen years,
I can't deny that sometimes i really got distracted.
When i watch romance film or novels, i'll wish that i could be the heroin.
And i am not ashamed of it. A girl can dream.
This is too normal for a teen girl like me, and i know that.
I know i will not have boyfriends and stuff like that, but sometimes,
I can't help myself from searching for one.
This is so funny when i think of it now.
Like i will see which guy in our school stands out in the crowd.
And like the song by Taylor Swift, Fifteen.
*Cos' when you're fifteen and, somebody tells you they love you, you gotta believe them*
I believed it too. I am such an idiot, psycho. Bah!
I talked to my bro about it and finally come to a conclusion, i'll change.
No more fantasies. No more this kinda stupid stuff. It's not healthy.
Just ignore the hormones.
About gossips, i will not say anything to people anymore.
I mean, because i know quite a lot of gossips (friends tell me, but i swear i don't ask people about anything!), sometimes i let the rumour spread.
This is not right.
I'll keep my mouth shut. Unless you are my best friends.
If you know well enough, i'm quite good at judging people.
This isn't right too. Because we simply can't judge a book by its cover.
Although i was right at most times, but this isn't fair to the ones i misjudged.
So, i'll stop that too.
I'll just mind my own matters.

I'll change these, for now.
Old habits die hard.
Be patient with me, Dear God.

*Sniff sniff*.
*Ah Choo!*
This is bad. Of all the rotten luck, i got infected with flu.
Jes passed it to me. I am sure of that.
She was not feeling well since morning, but i was well.
And we went for lunch and tuition together.
Who else could have passed it to me? But it's ok.
Being ill once a while will build up our immune system.
Always be optimistic.

Huhu! Today's the birthday of Her Highness, Princess Joey.
Happy birthday you excellency.
May all your wish come true and be together with your prince charming and live happily ever after.
Hahar. Hope you enjoy your free lunch at Le Curry!
And the gift too. Be positive, sometimes it's just the thought that counts.
Your honey did not give you anything, but it's the thought that counts. Smile!

Did Aerobic during PJ lesson. It was fun!
Move your body to the left~Move your body to the right~And shake it!

No school tomorrow, i am so happy! Hooray!
I must have some sleep. Tata~

Haven't been blogging, have i?
Hmm. Sorry readers.
Ok, i have been real busy and like some bloggers said, there's nothing to blog about recently.
Because school had reopened. And everyday we have homeworks and tuitions.
And i have been squashing some time out from my busy schedule to blog.

Jes and I went to Tebrau to catch Avatar.
It's Jes's first time seeing Avatar. But it was my second.
But i still kinda wish that i can see it again and yep, i got the chance.
I was shouting "YAY!!" inside my heart.
It was rare that my mum suggest to bring us there.
Because usually it is me who keep bugging her to take us out.
Hahar.
My mum simply loves it. I told her so, she's gonna love it.

My darling Joey,
Bought you a little present for your birthday.
Jes and me chose it.
Hope you will like it, it comes in a pair.
Give one of them to your honey.
Oh!
Viewed your blog, Joey dear.
Sometimes you just have to manage well.
Don't get into a situation which oblige you to choose between friendship and love.
Keep both of them.
They are equally priceless. They are gift from God.

I'm tired! Sigh. When does all this gonna end?
I'm going to have a nervous breakdown very soon.
And probably being sent to a mental hospital and being treated like i have mental disorder.
But, like Joey, i kinda like this busy life. (Ironic)
Maybe it's because i won't have time to think about others and so on.
Of course relationship is totally out from my to-do list.
I don't want any, and frankly speaking, i can't understand those who is having one now.
But no offence, if you know you are serious, that's fine.
But if you know, deep inside you, that you don't NEED one, or you have it just for fun, i just can't understand and i promise myself i won't be like you.
Sigh. Live a better life. Change for the better. Two is not better than one.
Ok. So, i am going to be very busy tomorrow, as i have to stay back and after that go to Jes's house to type something, and then go straight from Jes's house to my tutor's house.
No time to rest. Yikes.
But i kinda like Miss Caroline, my english tutor, so i look forward to tomorrow's tuition.
Yay!
And one more question, why does Puan Tarifa looks more like a pengetua herself?
Just take over the place already. Gah!

I slept very well last night.
Just one dream. So, i slept soundly over all.
Woke up at 8 to give mum a helping hand.
She was cooking lunch for my brother.
We packed up everything we wanted to bring for my bro.
Set off happily!
The bad news was, we went to the wrong camp.
The fella said the name "Brian" wasn't in the list.
Ok, fine. Drove another hour and eventually reached the real camp.

When we are registering, a bald guy came over and helped us carry our things.
I thought he was mad and then i realised he was my bro.
Gah! I couldn't recognise him! but he doesn't look so bad.
So we ate there together.
We went home after bidding goodbye.
At first i didn't feel anything.
But as soon as i saw him walking away from us to go back to his dorm, i felt the urge to cry.
But i stopped the tears from streaming down.
Now i'm ok. I'm only down just that instant.
I'm fine now. By the way, that picture is not very nice. he doesn't look that bad.
It's the lighting problem.

Oh, and a very very Happy Birthday to Ah Foo.

I'll be busy. As the setiausaha of my club.
Lot's of writing to do!

I am so so so so so SO exhausted.
The time now is 8.12p.m.
And i think i will knock out at approximately 9 o'clock.
Gosh, i'm really fighting to lift up my eye lids.
As the result of today's co curriculum activity and 4-hours Omega tuition,
I almost dozed off in the classroom in Omega.
It's cold and comfortable in the classroom, so it was a distraction.
Thank God i didn't just pass out.
I'm sure the rest of my Form 4 life is going to be like that.
Only Form 4.
Because Form 5 life will be a lot more maddening.
I must try and sort things out and have some time arrangement.
I'm really dead beat.
Oh, and speaking of Omega, i was offended.
The girls in front of us during Add Maths were idiots.
I mean, Jes and me were doing well and answered most of the question correctly.
We think hard to get the answers right.
And the girls in front doesn't even want to think, they just borrowed our papers and copy.
They are idiots. Totally pig-headed.
They called us genius but i know they are just saying it so that we will feel happy and wouldn't mind lending them.
Screw you. At least think. And if you can't figure out, we will teach you.
No need to copy. That's what primary students do.
And what are you? You are all Convent girls for Christ's sake.
Do not look down on Perling's student. You are no better.

I'm sorry Ah Foo.
I wanted to stay up and wish you Happy Birthday, but, i can't.
Really sorry. I will make it up to you in the future.
Happy Birthday to my wonderful friend.
Hope that all your dreams will come true and you will be healthy forever.
Loves and kisses.

Whatever we do right now,
the decisions we make,
will define what kind of person we are going to be in the future.
So, if you don't like it, better change it right now before it's too late.
Get it? I learned it from Gossip Girl and find it very true.
And i like it very much. And it somehow changes my perspective on things.
Now, everything i do and the decisions i make, i will think twice before proceeding.

And i'm so tired.
Tuitions and staying back after school.
These things seem never-ending.

Hoohoo~
Third day of school is maddening!
The heat was unbearable.
I pity myself for having to start our lessons in the laboratory.
It's so damn hot! I was bathing with sweat. Geez.
And we took our text books today. I have no idea that the text books are this much.
Thanks to these books, my arms nearly have permanent injuries.
So, books sharing will be carry out between me and Hui.
It's a good idea. Safe me from shoulder injuries as well.
Rumours about the government allowing us to take 12 subjects were all over the school.
I'll take Chinese and accounts. 11 subjects. Though i wish i can take 12 instead.
Nevermind. EST don't have any use.
50 students in our class. To me, it's way too crowded. And i don't like it.
But i still wish i can get along well with the rest, the ones i am not familiar with.
Must be friendly. Right. Ok. I'll do that.
Oh, and enjoy my new song. Though it might need some buffering. Pardon me.
I like the way you sound in the morning
We're on the phone and without a warning
I realize your love is the best sound
I have ever heard

I like the way I can't keep my focus
I watch you talk, you didn't notice
I hear the words, but all I can think is
We should be together

Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, I'll shine for you

Whoa, I'm feeling you baby
Don't be afraid to
Jump then fall
Jump then fall into me

Baby, I'm never gonna leave you
Say that you wanna be with me too
'Cause I'm gonna stay through it all
So jump then fall

I was wondering.
Why did we get this trophy (hardly) when we got good grades at mid-year exam,
which is not even the real PMR?
And now we really got 8A's and we don't get it? Ironic. Hmm.
This is so weird.
My mum said the teachers should have their brains checked.

To dear Khai Xiang,
I was really going to stand up! Ok?
Ok. Maybe i was a chicken.

Second day at school is bearable, maybe it's because i wasn't paying attention to the teacher.
I was reading my novel. So at least i wasn't bored.
Oh, and i visited the so-called five star toilet, as people have been saying.
It wasn't so bad except for three toilet bowls can't be used because it's somehow got stuck on the second day of school. Hilarious.
Geez, what's the use when only one toilet is five star and the other is like shit?
Nevermind.
I prefer the old toilet, maybe it's the awful smell that i was familiar to made me feel better.
As usual, teachers continued to blabber about school rules etcetera etcetera.
All craps.
But luckily, tomorrow, these things will end. FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!
Oh God, you can't believe how relief i felt to know that.
And one last thing, i heard that our class might be in the newly-build block.
I am afraid that it will collapse. God bless me that my life won't be ending so fast.

Have been watching this series since last week. The famous Gossip Girl.
Girls pretty, boys handsome and most of all, rich. Yikes! Their world is too perfect.
Should watch it, nice show.

First day in school after holiday is a total shit.
I am so pissed off because of the fact that we will be imprisoned in the hall for three days.
Three days! Go to hell you morons! How could they do that to us?!
It's not the heat that irritated me, it's the sitting position!
My legs were pain and cramp and i thought i would have to have them chopped off.
I would rather stand.
And it is a pain listening to the teachers blabber about what we have already know.
They are just trying to drag time and arrange which class we are going to enter.
Why do they do it now? And, how long could it take you to finish this task?
Three days? It's just a simple task.
8A's student, Science 1, 7A's and 6 A's ,Science 2. Is it so hard?
For goodness sake, this is the tradition, so just follow it!
What is there to arrange and why would it take three days?
Plus, i thought i heard what they said about our school have quality and so on.
So why the hell is the phone still can't be used? All of them!
Oh please, stop the talking about quality and five stars.
It's just plain stupid.

This movie is incredible. As far as everyone knows.
Love it very much. It made up to my top 5 favourite movies.
Go Avatar!

My brother sent a message to my mum.
Saying that he befriended a Chinese boy named Henry.
He borrowed his new friends' phone to text us.
Everything's ok there except the food sucks. (me giggling)
He was so bored because they need to wait for the others to arrive at the camp.
Phew, what a relief. He's doing well.

School's gonna reopen tomorrow and i have no feeling.
Totally none. No anxiety, no fear, no nothing.
Wait. I guess there's one. Exasperation. Yep, that's it.
It's a disaster. Honestly. It's just plain shit.

Can you spot my bro on the bus?
He's just in the middle, there.
He left for NS at around 9 in the morning.
I had a mixed feeling, sad, worried, and something else.
He's gonna be ok. Tangkak is not so far away from here.
Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Go have a nice time and come back safe and sound.
Well, i guess the house will be very quiet from now onwards.
Not as if he make a lot of noise, just the sound of his football.
Bye bye.

Oopsie, back to Omega.
Took the first step into Omega's classroom. Everything's so familiar.
Hahar. OF course it is, i have been there for 2 years, how can i be not?
Ok, so YJ, Jes and me walked in to the room and met Eric and Shawn there.
Honestly.....does Shawn's mum so afraid that her fragile little baby boy might get hurt?
She actually sent him to his classroom and watched him walk to his seat.
Oh God. I will be so embarrassing if i were him.
Nevermind, maybe he IS fragile.
It's good to see some friends there. With exceptions.
Physics and chemistry is interesting.
Though physic is more to calculation to me. Hmm.
This special day just went by like that. Just like that. But i feel nothing.
My bro is going to NS tomorrow. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO!!!!!!